This past Sunday, the 22nd of March, I slept in until 8:30, then got up and went for a run in Rock Creek Park, just outside of downtown Washington, DC. It was warm and sunny, a perfect early Spring day. On the other side of the country, Erin Jacobson drove to the Vacaville airport with his wife and three young children. There they met two other families, all of them friends. In the small airport, the seven children played together, and the adults relaxed while they waited for a small plane that would fly them to Montana. They were continuing a tradition begun by our parents: the family ski trip.
Years ago, Erin Jacobson was my first "best friend." It was the kind of childhood friendship you'd feel an emptiness all your life if you didn't have. We came together first over our shared love of G.I. Joe and Star Wars action figures. We'd combine our collections, venture out onto the undeveloped lots near my house and stage adventures to consume our shared imaginations and hours of our time. Or we'd play at Erin's house, swimming in his parent's pool, competing to see who could make the biggest splash off the diving board, and later watch the fish swim lazily in the fish tank in his room while we ate oatmeal cookies his mom Judy made. After one such perfect day, I heard my mom's car pull into the driveway and I didn't want to go home. Erin and I ran through the hallway of his house, frantically searching for a place where I could hide. "Quick, into the shower," he directed and I promptly collided with the glass door, polished transparent. Being little, no harm was done to me or the door, but we collapsed on the floor laughing. Erin was the kind of friend you just wanted to keep hanging out with.
We had some great adventures, Erin and I. One warm Spring day we walked back into the hills behind my house and found an ant hole thick with busy, red ants. A few feet away was another ant hole, teaming with black ants. Before young boys notice girls, they dream of the glory of war. Looking down at the miniature animated world at our feet we wondered aloud who were the better warriors: the red or the black ants. We gathered a few black ants and put them down the red ant hole, then held our breaths and waited. After a few seconds, some of the black ants emerged, missing legs and still fighting with the reds. We were enthralled, and passed the day in the dusty hills with our red and black warriors.
One day, when we were in the third grade, I got to school and looked for Erin, but he wasn't there. Carmin Wacker, the hottest girl in class and the one girl we would actually play with at recess, had heard he was very sick. He didn't come to class the next day, or the day after. Everyone liked Erin and the days felt longer and grayer without him. We made him cards out of colored construction paper and wished he was with us. It turned out he'd been bitten by a spider and gotten an infection. In the third grade, getting bitten by a spider was almost as cool as surviving a shark attack and Erin became legend. Even in misfortune, he had a way of coming out on top.
Young boys can be cruel, heartless even, but Erin was different. He had a kind heart and a way of making you feel like you were important. He remembered the stories you told and stuck by you when it mattered. Being a child of recently divorced parents, I craved stable people and peaceful places in my tumultuous world. Spending time with Erin filled both needs. His family welcomed me into their home and took me with them on ski trips to the mountains. Even as a young boy of eight or nine, Erin was a great skier, fast and fearless. The rides back up the hill were almost as good as the runs down, as we replayed the best jumps and worst wipeouts, our cheeks red from the cold, speedy air.
Two years ago, I played a concert at the Pacific Union College Church, in the Napa Valley where Erin lived. After the concert, Erin was there to say hello. He was the same as he always had been, with an open smile and kind eyes. He joined us for pizza in St. Helena and we caught up, as much as two old friends can do in a couple of hours. He told me about motorcycle trips with his in-laws, about his growing family and his thriving medical practice. We talked as good friends, separated years ago only by distance. At the time I was looking into a job nearby and we dreamed a little about how great it would be to live near each other again. Talking with Erin that night over pizza, I got the feeling we could pick up where we left off, perhaps with different toys and more grown up concerns, but it was something I hoped could happen.
This past Sunday, my childhood friend Erin, survivor of spider bites, master of ski jumps, and child general of armies of ants, boarded a small plane to fly with his wife, three young children and a handful of friends for a week of skiing near Yellowstone. After a two and a half hour flight, just a few hundred feet from the runway, the plane mysteriously dove to the ground and burst into flames. There were no survivors.
I can't claim that I was a great friend to Erin all these years between our childhood and now, or that my life has been deeply touched by this tragedy. That unenviable honor goes to his family and to the close friends who are feeling truly unspeakable sadness at the loss of Erin, his beautiful family, and the others on that plane. I can say that I am a more complete person for having had a friend like Erin Jacobson. The world was a better place with him in it and I wish I could see him again, shake his hand and thank him for being my best friend those years ago, when life was simpler and we didn't know the meaning of the word tragedy.
One day, in the early Fall of my fourth grade year at Loma Linda Elementary School, near San Bernardino, California, Erin and I sat perched in a green metal pod at the top of some playground equipment. There, a few feet above the ground, I told him that I would be leaving Loma Linda to attend a small school in the next town over. I asked him if he would come with me, but he liked where he was and wanted to stay there. That was Erin, peaceful and stable. I wish he had come with me, or that I had stayed. We didn't see each other as much after that. He moved to Napa, then life took us both in different directions. I would like to have made more memories of his friendship, but the ones I do have are so good, and that will have to be enough. Thank you Erin. Rest in peace. I'll never forget you.
Mark,
Thank you so much for posting this. I, too, remember Erin and his family (especially his mom) from a long time ago but they made such a tremendous impression on me and my family that we never forgot them and always thought of them fondly. My heart goes out to their surviving family and close friends. This is truly one of those unimaginable tragedy that leaves one gasping and grasping for reasons. Your tribute to Erin is as beautiful as the person he was.
Posted by: Bathabile Mthombeni | March 24, 2009 at 09:53 AM
Of course I meant "unimaginable tragedies".
Posted by: Bathabile Mthombeni | March 24, 2009 at 09:55 AM